I just got back from seeing The Great Gatsby, and I thought it was a fantastic movie. I could go on forever about it. It’s also one of my favorite books, and I’ve read it multiple times since the first time I read it in the 6th grade. The last time I read it though was a summer few years ago when I spent a few days lounging around at fancy house in the Hamptons (it felt appropriate), so everything in the book isn’t super fresh in my memory. Also, I’m basically the only person who never had to read it for a class. (Probably because I dropped out of high school when I was 16…)
But now I feel this serious urge to rant about why everyone who hates Daisy and thinks she’s just a frigid, crazy bitch is wrong. Just completely wrong. I could write an essay about it right now. I could actually write an essay about why the movie was completely perfect too.
But I’ll spare everyone.
So I went to this lecture about being intersex tonight, which I was really excited about, because I’ve never known much about the subject at all before. They talked about how one of the main causes is the disorder Congenital Adrenal Hyperplasia, and I was a little perplexed, because I was diagnosed with that when I was 7. I’ve always had a myriad of medical problems my whole life, including but not limited to growth hormone deficiency, precocious puberty, and a really weird, rare ovarian disease. I’ve never been able to have periods without the help of taking female hormones, and my body only makes male hormones, no female at all. I guess I’d never really thought about what any of that meant before… So I went up to the woman and spoke to her after the event, and she told me that she was 100% positive that I’m intersex. And then she asked me to go get coffee with her tomorrow to discuss what all that means further.
It’s weird (whenever I finally get any kind of “diagnosis” of any kind it’s always a weird feeling), but I feel like things kind of finally make sense in a strange way.
I feel like the moment my date started to go a little sour was when she randomly said “I feel like the amount of hate blacks have towards whites is just as big of a problem as racism is.”
So then we went to my friend’s house who was having a bbq, and I spent probably 90% of the time talking to my friends, because I’m kind of an ass.
But I don’t think she has any idea that I’m not into her, so I’ll kind of just have to be weirdly gentle about it, which I’m not very good at.
Also, the age thing was kind of weird. I realized that there’s a big difference between being 21 and 17. 4 years may not seem like a lot, but at those ages, it’s a pretty big gap.
So some guy that my mom is friends with and has been texting a lot showed up unannounced at 10 tonight, and he didn’t leave until 2:30 am. It was so awkward, because he was clearly coming for a booty call and didn’t realize I’d be home. We spent the whole time staring each other down, and he clearly had a look of “when are you going to go to bed?” Well not anytime soon now! I’m going to stay up just to spite your ass. You can’t just show up here, force me to put my Archer marathon on hold, and then try to obviously have sex with my mother. You’re closer to my age than hers.
I am not okay with this.
It’s not weird to go on a date with someone that’s 17 when you’re 21 right? RIGHT?!
But then my friend had to remind me that when I was a freshman in college, she was in the 8th grade.
Someone make me feel better about this?
I like how we call my dog fat so often that now whenever she hears the word she comes running like we’re calling her name.
Well the performance went surprisingly well! I got a ridiculous amount of compliments, cheers, and laughs from people. The best wasn’t even the random people who came up and complimented me, but the fact that all of my friends collectively kind of freaked out and went “WHY HAVE WE KNOWN YOU FOR YEARS AND DIDN’T KNOW YOU COULD SING?!?!?! WHYYYYYYY?!?!?!”
But the best part is that I feel like I’ve finally really overcome most of my serious social anxiety that has been a problem for years. I’ve always wanted to be a performer of some sort, but I kind of gave up on it for a long time due to insecurities. But tonight really solidified the fact that this is what have I’ve always wanted to do with my life.
Also, I was voted Prom Queen. And when the award for best performance was given, the crowd was cheering and screaming for so long as a vote for me, that the hosts had to finally stop them. And there was a collective chant of “AllisonAllisonAllisonAllison” going on, which was really surreal, considering that I didn’t know most of the people there.
So it’s safe to say that I feel pretty damn good about myself right now.
I’m performing two songs tomorrow at an event the LGBT group I work with is throwing. I’m really not a good singer at all, but… for some reason I thought it’d be fun to sing two of my favorite showtunes at a damn dancing event. I’m the only one actually singing too, everyone else is going in drag and lip synching. And now I really can’t back out, because I’m an idiot and told all my friends about it, and they’re all really excited to see me perform. And to top it off, I forgot to find the karaoke tracks to the songs I’m doing until tonight, and when I tried to practice I realized that I REALLY fuck them up when put to actual music. So I was like “FUCK IT, I’M GOING A CAPPELLA!” because you know, that’s a good idea.
And now I can’t sleep and feel a little like vomiting up some fright, which is weird, because I never used to get stage fright at all. I guess it gets worse with age? I don’t fucking know.
So now my goal is to just take so much adderall tomorrow that I basically turn into Liza Minnelli and go up there and sing way too fast and give too few fucks.
I actually had a really good long talk with my dad last night on skype, which is pretty rare.
Well, my friends and I all took the acid at about 1 today. It was the least intense thing ever. It was still a ton of fun, but not what anyone was expecting at all. There weren’t any visuals at all for anyone, nothing really got weird, and we all just basically felt like we were on low doses of speed. We were really happy, giggly, and awake, so overall it was just a really fun day, but still… not really what we were wanting or expecting.
I actually did have visuals for like a split second, though. I turned and looked at my friend and his eyebrows just slowly moved off of his face. It was awesome, but also the only thing that happened.
Pretty lame, and I’m sad that I payed $16 for that. I’m too broke to be paying for what was essentially just speed.